Exorcise Daily

Today, I declared war against the demon that I have allowed to dominate my thinking and my time for the last 14 years (roughly the latest 60% of my entire life).  When I say "demon," of course I am not referring to a supernatural, fire-breathing monster.  I am talking about a self-destructive set of behaviors and mental habits that I have developed and nurtured in myself which negatively impact my ability to achieve many of the things that I most desire. "Demon" just provides a nice metaphor to represent that concept.

I will not name the form this demon has taken for me, because it doesn't really matter how, specifically, I have let my mind defeat itself.  What I want, as I write this, is to empower you, the reader, to begin your own fight for your own mind.  Your demon, if you have one, probably wears a different title than mine does.  You know its name.  Perhaps it is "alcoholism."  Perhaps it is "substance abuse."  Perhaps it is "gambling addiction."  Perhaps it is "eating disorder."  Perhaps it is, like mine, something much less obvious and much less commonly acknowledged.  The point is that you and you alone know the full extent of the havoc that it is wreaking in your life.  But you do know it.

I am writing this because of what a struggle it has been for me to begin my fight.  You see, I always assumed that somebody else would see the evil and command me to combat it, or even fight it for me.  You know, an intervention.  I have now been waiting for most of my life.  If anybody saw it, they must have kept their mouths shut, or I convinced them (and myself?) that they were wrong.  It would be insane for me to think another day, another year, another decade will make any difference.  I've been insane for 14 years now.  Today I begin my fight for sanity. 

There is another reason this was difficult.  My demon has always been very comforting.  He has helped me to avoid pain, disappointment, boredom, shame.  He has promised to dull those feelings from now until death, and he has always made good on that promise.  What he has not and can never promise is to reverse them; he can never bring me joy, exultation, exhilaration, pride, and he distracts me mightily from the things that can.  In the end, he becomes a source of the very emotions he was summoned to deaden.  This is what makes him a demon and not a healthy coping mechanism.  This is why I must destroy him to reclaim my self.

I waited 14 years for somebody to give me the order.  I hope you haven't been waiting as long, but here's your order: as a man who has suffered no wounds greater than those he has inflicted upon himself, I implore you to look honestly within yourself and name your own demons.  What, inside of you, is holding you back?  Name it, banish it, and become the person you want to become.